Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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