Do you still have your period?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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