i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
