no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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