haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
