Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
