I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
