So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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