thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
