I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
