the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
