I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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