Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
