Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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