Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
