So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
