I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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