Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
