I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
