my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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