how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
