I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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