I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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