I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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