Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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