and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
