Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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