You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
