So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
