New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
