I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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