Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
