my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
