I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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