Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
