Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
