We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
