You just made me feel so damn special
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
