Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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