You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we're making bets on your personal life
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
