Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
