just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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