Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
