I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
