I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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