fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
