Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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