I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
