haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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