I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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