This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
