seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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