GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
